You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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