I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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