Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
