Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
