you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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