Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
