There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
