you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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