dude i'm inner monologue high
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This can only be settled by a dance off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
