You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize