I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you inspire me to be a worse person
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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