His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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