ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
