we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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