if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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