your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
