i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
