where am i from again
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
