yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
True college students do jello shots in the library
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
