That's when you crack a 10am beer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
