So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
