It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
