I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
