She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
