Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
