I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
