It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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