I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
