wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So vagazzling was a success
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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