You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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