and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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