I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The air taste purple.
Randomize