return my video game
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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