i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
