I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
