I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
