All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize