I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
