you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's blow job season.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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