he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's shark week go big or go home
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
