i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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