do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His hands were made for my vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
