Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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