I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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