his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
