You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet