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I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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