I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak