I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
