I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
