I wanna passion pit in your ass
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
