You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
