Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
