Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
