I hate all girls vehemently.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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