theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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