Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
