Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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