My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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