I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize