Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
