her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
