I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
