Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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