I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
