Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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