420 ftw
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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